Chap.13-. I was Alice. just AliceI was staring out of my bedroom’s window. There was a paper bag full of Autumn lives . It was flying gently with a soft breeze’s impulse. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. There was so much beauty in the world. Everywhere I looked. And I felt as though no one else appreciated it, or understood it the way I did.
Everything was so fragile, so delicate, so essential.. so beautiful and I felt like I was unworthy of such strange beauty. The simple beauty of the outside world was breathtaking.
My dad had just ended the quimio sessions, and although he was never going to be 100% in the clear, (because cancer doesn’t have a cure); he was good now. As good as he would ever be anyway. He was just happy to be alive and, a bit like me, he was growing to appreciate the all consuming pleasure of the privileged to be alive. He finally quit his work and both he and my step mother decided to go and see the world, to travel to all the places they ever dreamed about, to enjoy and make the most of their lives. I could have gone with them… but I had other plans. I decided to stay because of my friends, because of school, but mostly because of the love of my life. And I know, I’m too young, too naive, too unrealistic to be saying that . But honestly that’s how I feel. He was the one I wanted to be with for the good, bad and ugly. He had seen me at my worst so I think that I owe him my best, and I intended on giving him the best of me everyday for the rest of our lives.
I couldn’t shake the feeling as though a chapter of my life was closing. Witch meant a new one could open. I still had demons under my bed. Who doesn’t. I learned to live with them. I learned to look past them the moment I found someone who loved me regardlessly of them. A love so powerful, so strong that made me feel a child again, gave me everything I needed to be happy has I never was before. My life still wasn’t a fairy tale. I didn’t live in wonderland. No, that wasn’t for me. I was Alice. just Alice.